“As for what we do now,” he continued, “well, this is what I didn’t really want to have to get into. You see, from everything we know so far about the virus, someone infected is extremely infectious for a short time, after which they slip into a sort of coma and quickly pass away. But it’s become apparent, especially throughout São Paulo, which is basically being burned to the ground right now, that, well, you already know what a zombie is. Or undead person, if you’re prefer the politcally correct route. In any case, that’s why you were able to be shipped here so easily, and why your mom and I have been so worried about you while we waited in that motel.

“But now that you’re awake, we’ve only got a short amount of time. I hate to be so blunt, because you are my son, but I think you’re still man enough to handle it at the moment. All those jokes about zombies being brain-eaters and all that, well, we’ve gotten plenty of evidence so far to support that type of thing. Sure, you’re doing great right now, you look pretty good, and you haven’t started to smell yet, but soon enough that’s going to change.

“Your mom and I talked about this for a long time. Obviously we both wanted to protect you from some scientists who wouldn’t even treat you as human anymore, but I knew from the beginning that there was no way we’d be able to return to some sort of normal life. Sure, your mom, bless her heart, thought we could move out somewhere quiet and keep you relatively sequestered, but, sorry to say, that’s just end with us waking up one night while you were, um, having a bite out of us. It just wouldn’t do, and after a lot of convincing, and a bit of calming wine, she finally agreed.”

This was coming really fast by then, and I was having trouble keeping up, but he was on a roll and wouldn’t pause for questions.

“So we decided to do the best thing we could. Right now that means driving up to the coast, the most secluded and beautiful spot we could find to spend a last few days with you before having what I hope will be a tranquil funeral for you. We already gathered up a bunch of your favorite stuff: music, some clothes, pictures, some of your favorite food, books should you want those. I hope you don’t mind that I picked up a casket at Costco; they were the only place that had one that didn’t ask why I didn’t have a body for it.

“I know you’re wondering why your sister isn’t here, and I promise that it’s not because of you. She said, many times, that she loves you very much. However, she thinks your mom and I are quite crazy for what we’re doing. She thinks we’ve truly lost it, in fact. There is the whole issue of the authorities being after us; they don’t take kindly to having their comatose zombies being stolen. But that’s all fine. What matters is that she loves you, and you just have to remember that we all grieve in different ways.

“But enough of that. The sun will be up soon to provide us with another beautiful day and we’ve still got another little stretch of road to take care of before we can settle down and relax. What do you say we get on back, grab your poor mother and try to cheer her up a bit. She’s had a rough go of it, for obvious reasons. She knows what it’s all for though, and I think seeing you walking and smiling will do wonders. So let’s have at it! I wouldn’t want to be stuck inside a stuffy motel room all day again!”

He gave me a few good pats on the back and popped up. He had marched a bit of a ways off before he realized I wasn’t with him, and turned around to give me a ridiculous puzzled look, wondering I was still sitting on the bench.