We were on one of the more expensive streets of Riviera –the Brazilian Hamptons – and I figured that the neighbors would eventually get fed up. Of course, the surrounding buildings had been shooting fireworks off 24/7 from the minute we had arrived, but I hoped that was somehow more tolerable.

“HEY JAPANESE!” yelled some guy across the street, and I figured he’d tell everyone to shut the hell up. “LET’S GET DRUNK!” I was wrong.

“I ALREADY AM DRUNK! SHIT I’M JAPANESE!” Contact with another person added fuel to the fire. People started showing up on their balconies; some young and some much older, some looking to party and some looking less excited by the inter-apartment camaraderie. Soon the whole neighborhood filled with explosions, whistling and yelling.

“HEY JAPANESE! WHY ARE YOU SO GAY?”

“BECAUSE I’VE GOT A HUGE DICK! LET ME FUCK YOUR MOTHER!”

“SOMEBODY GIVE THAT GUY A BEER!”

“FUCK THAT! LET’S GO TO THE WHORE HOUSE!”

“GIVE ME A BEER OR I’LL KICK YOUR ASS!”

“SON OF A BITCH! I’M TOO DRUNK!”

“HA! I AM TOO!”

“I’M JAAAAAA  PAAAAAAAA NEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSEEEEEEEE!”

After twenty minutes, I gave up and started drinking beer. Rapidly. I had no idea what time it was, but I know it was bright outside when they first started. By the time I felt ready to join, it was fully dark. The only breaks in the yelling during that time were for caipirinha-making and shot-taking.

My Portuguese was terrible, but I knew enough to get relatively creative. “I’M A GAY AMERICAN WITH A BIG DICK! SUCK MY PARROT! MY PARROT IS DRUNK AND NAKED!”

The confusion this elicited caused a small pause in the noise aside from a few fireworks. Suddenly a girl’s voice rang out.

“Hey Japanese! Where are you?”

Japa was about to yell again when someone grabbed him and whispered in his ear. He nodded and then answered.

“I’M RIGHT HERE! CALL ME! THREE ELEVEN NINE FIFTEEN TWENTY-THREE!” The girl, a few buildings down the street, just shrugged.

“Help me yell!” Japa said to the rest of the group, who immediately pressed up against the railing.

“THREE! ELEVEN! NINE! FIFTEEN! TWENTY-THREE!” They kept yelling until the girl gave thumbs up.

“Oh shit, she’s calling! Shut up! Shut up!” Japa said. He answered with a phrase I didn’t understand but had everyone else laughing their asses off and invited her over for a barbeque. We had already finished eating everything we had for the night, but we still had plenty of drinks, and I was assured that’s all we needed.